Wow, I dont even know where to start this time around. There is a quote that has been in my head for the last couple days. Its from one of my top 5 favorite songs...
"Love is not a victory march. Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah." -Jeff Buckley
In the midst of struggling through wishing certain things were different, that I had done better or been better, I keep coming back to this quote. Love, life... its imperfect. What matters is the people that you share your life with. And that when you truly care for those people, the imperfections, the struggles, the hurts dont matter all that much. They become a part of the beautiful disaster that is love. The cold and broken hallelujah. The true joy that can only be found when it happens despite the harsh reality of how messed up we are. So maybe this hasnt been the most articulate of blogs but it is where I find myself right now. And I cant help but think that the more that I accept that broken hallelujah, the easier it will be to walk through life full of love for the people I care about and content with the state of whatever things may be at the time. No fear... just life. And thats that.
Showing posts with label messiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label messiness. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
seasons may change
Someone once said to me, "Life comes in seasons. If the leaves are falling, you know your season is to come."
At any given time we are surrounded by seasons. Things are created and broken and fixed. Seeds are planted, they grow and wither and die. The motion of life from one season to the next cannot be avoided, run from, or ignored. Yet, in this past season of my life I decided that I wasnt going to have it anymore. The thought of another dark and cold season paralyzed me. So, I created a scheme to stop time in its tracks... to freeze my life in a perpetual season of warmth. I made lists and plans and shut out anything that threatened heartache. And still, I find myself in a place where the leaves are falling again and there is NOTHING I can do about it. So I am reminded of a quote from my favorite movie...
You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-You-Are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a wild thing, and you're terrified somebody's going to stick you in a cage. Well, baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somaliland. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself. ~ Breakfast at Tiffany's, spoken by Paul Varjak
I ran into myself again... into life again. Its messy and it hurts. And the more you embrace life, the more deeply intertwined you become with its seasons. So the question becomes, how do I face this coming season however dark and cold it may be and be ok with it? I dont know the answer yet.
At any given time we are surrounded by seasons. Things are created and broken and fixed. Seeds are planted, they grow and wither and die. The motion of life from one season to the next cannot be avoided, run from, or ignored. Yet, in this past season of my life I decided that I wasnt going to have it anymore. The thought of another dark and cold season paralyzed me. So, I created a scheme to stop time in its tracks... to freeze my life in a perpetual season of warmth. I made lists and plans and shut out anything that threatened heartache. And still, I find myself in a place where the leaves are falling again and there is NOTHING I can do about it. So I am reminded of a quote from my favorite movie...
You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-You-Are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a wild thing, and you're terrified somebody's going to stick you in a cage. Well, baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somaliland. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself. ~ Breakfast at Tiffany's, spoken by Paul Varjak
I ran into myself again... into life again. Its messy and it hurts. And the more you embrace life, the more deeply intertwined you become with its seasons. So the question becomes, how do I face this coming season however dark and cold it may be and be ok with it? I dont know the answer yet.
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